Sunday, December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas Eve

There were many things I did not find the attitude to do this year. One being the hand-drawn card that features the Furkids and me, all grinning ear-to-ear. I sent these two pics, to all my 'wired' friends and family, with the subject line of "consider yourself carded for Christmas". That's my front porch and a view of the 'river' just about a ½-mile from my home. We had ice the last week of November, so I paused long enough to take a shot through a rolled-down car window.
I am not going anywhere for Christmas this year. Everyone I know is having company or being company today. And I am so not of the mood to sit through a triple-dose of my Daddy's second wife, Nell, and her daughters, Cheryl and Donna. Uncharitable? Yes. But I have struggled to keep my sanity during the past three weeks. Someone pass the Zoloft®, please.
I know there are many, many people who have no one and nothing at this time of the year (or anytime for that matter). I also know that I always have Someone, and I have everything through my faith in Jesus' life, death and Resurrection. I am never alone and never will I be forsaken. There are times, though, that I cry out to the Father for 'skin-on' encounters. A voice besides my own. Affirmation. And, oh, how I miss Christmas as it once was, but will never be again. Ever. But I know this is the way the journey road is traveled.
Mommie's been gone for 28 years now. Sometimes the pain clawing at my soul is that of a tiger, bringing down its prey. Gripping agony, strangling me. Mostly now, however, it's the soft, gentle tickle of a kitten's paw. And I giggle. Oh... for a stocking filled with: an apple, orange, banana, mixed nuts ( in shell), assorted mini-chocolate Hersey's® bars (removable paper sleeves, then), and a dollar bill. Actually it was no fancy 'stocking', but truly just a sock. A well satiated, 100%-cotton snake, with various-sized lumps bulging out from under its 'skin'. A sweet, sweet memory. (sigh)
I declare to the world (and to myself): I am blessed. I say, Merry Christmas, and The Lord's joy and comfort be upon you and yours. May you find laughter in remembering dear ones and for the ways they showed their love to you. And sometimes, just sometimes, comfort is found at the end of your own blog entry. And it was, really, there all the time, I just needed to let it in to nestle. That familiar 'soul-kitten' I mentioned before: is purring loudly, ecstatically now. And is that wonder-filled joy I detect shining in its eyes? Peace... Abba Father's peace be unto you all.

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